What's that whirring sound?

That's right, it's the English language spinning in it's grave. Today Jonathan 'Robot Wars' 'Stuart' Pearce melted his brains all over the BBC Sport website. He was trying to talk about Emmanuel Adebayor's celebration at COMS, but instead, I can only assume his motherboard shorted out and we were left with this:

"On this day in 1982 Princess Grace of Monaco died ridiculously young after a car crash. That was a genuine tragedy.

Sixty-nine years ago this week the Battle of Britain was won. Hitler postponed Operation Sealion - the planned invasion of these shores. That was true victory.

Sporting triumph and disaster should never mirror real life but we have created twin monsters of those two impostors. So should we be horrified at Emmanuel Adebayor's excesses?"

What is this garbage? I just have no understanding of what it's meant to be. Why are tragedy and victory "imposters", or "monsters"? It's never explained. What do triumph and tragedy have to do with Manu Bayo's "excesses"? It is a mystery.



Pearce can't help himself though, signing off with this unfathomable stream of nonsense:

"If we and Adebayor could treat the impostors of triumph and disaster the same, ours would be "the earth and everything that's in it", as Kipling would say - and "which is more" Adebayor would be "a man, my son!" "

Please if anybody can decipher this can you ring me on 0800 ROBOT WARS and leave your name and number. If you do that, ours would be "the earth and everything that's in it", as Lawro might beguile.

Pearce's mind seems to have died. It's almost as if he started with the 3 bizarre references, to Monaco, Hitler and Kipling, and fitted everything else in around it. Substitute the quotes for something equally unrelated and there's very little difference:

"If we and Adebayor could treat the impostors of triumph and disaster the same, "this will end in disappointment for one party", as Champion would say - and "in a party" Adebayor would be "knocks here!" "

So in conclusion, weep for the soul of the dear departed Pearce, he has clearly lost his marbles, or at least his team sheet, because there are substitutes available, but he's chosen not to use them!